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“Prison, A World of its Own” – MyAsia recounts her experiences

When you’re a trans woman incarcerated in a men’s facility, just being left alone can seem nearly impossible. MyAsia aka “Lady Doll” tells us how things work inside, and that positive moments can still occur.

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Warning: The following letter conveys a personal account of sexual abuse, and has not been edited in any way. Proceed with caution if you may be triggered by this topic.

“Prison, A World of its Own,”
by MyAsia Kim’Bella London.

If it’s one thing I hate, it’s PRISON! I’m MyAsia Kim’Bella London. Known to many as “Lady Doll.” Prison, it’s a world of its own. I would’ve never thought I’d be in prison, let alone two times! But hey, the system is built like a rotating door, and at the end of the day there’s no one to blame but myself. I’m woman enough to admit that I did the crime, “I got caught;” I do the time. I guess in many cases, some might be all right with that. Me as a Trans Woman, am not.

Sometimes I wish someone from the “White House” would come in under cover, just to see what my sisters and I have to go through in this place called “corrections.” I know, wishful thinking, right? Well, at least I’m still thinking. There are so many people in here who can’t do that. They’ve lost their minds, including C.O.’s. All I’ve ever asked these people is to let me do my time! You have some C.O.’s that don’t bother as long as you don’t bother them. Then you have the ones who go out their way to make sure you know who’s boss. Then you have the ones who, as we call in here, “molest” you. I hate it!!! Because they’re “correction officers” who know they’re violating your rights and don’t care! I’ve lost count on how many times I get taken out of school, the yard or work just to be strip searched. Or pat frisked. Just so they can see or touch my boobs. I’m being honest. It don’t help that I’m the only girl in the whole prison with boobs. God knows that they don’t have no reason to do so, other than being a C.O. I’ve written grievance and nothing! I guess you can say I pretty much gave up on it.

Once I met the love of my life! He told me one day after a talk about me losing it. “Give them your brains girl, never your guts!” God I love him! Thanks to him, I’m able to maintain.

I swear, I have to get out of here! These C.O.’s get away with murder, believe it or not. What’s it going to take for someone to see this? Like I’ve said, there is no one to blame but myself! But that don’t mean that I’m not human! I believe that I should have a right to be myself as long as I’m alive! No matter where I’m at, what date or time! I’m not in here to be punished for being born this way. It’s me – a human – who deserves so much more than to be put in a “box” 24/7 for knowing in my heart that I was meant to be a woman! I just want to feel loved, be happy and do my time! If not, oh well! You may not respect that, but… you will take me as I am!

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The Sylvia Rivera Law Project (SRLP) works to guarantee that all people are free to self-determine gender identity and expression, regardless of income or race, and without facing harassment, discrimination or violence.

This blog, which features letters from our Prisoner Advisory Committee (PAC) members, is just one way we overcome the enormous state-created barriers to communication and political participation for the people who are most affected by the prison system.

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